1 post tagged “jack bauer”

Hey everyone, Birdman checking from his last bit of vacation time before school starts.

Last night (Friday) I had the disadvantage of going out with Blaire to see BALLS OF Fury. I say disadvantage because Bliare and I like to have a good time and even a few stupid laughs but this movie was going to prove to be something much much worse then we had expected.

We have all seen trailers for this for the past month or longer in the theatre and I think it's safe to assume that BALLS OF Fury would be like say DODGEBALL, but no....God was cruel and someone sold thier soul to rush this Piece of crap to theatres

What did I expect coming in this movie?

A few cheap laughs, some visual gags and some token lines from Christopher Walken.....Well I got that....and not much else. I am sincerely sure that I maybe laughed like 4 times or less and it's not acceptable for 90 minutes. Now before I blast this crapfest into something totally unrecognizeable allow me to set the scene using Pop culture references as best I can.

So the story starts with the T-1000 IRobert Patrick)'s son Randy Daytona (Dan Fogler) being a Ping pong uber champ and he is the hope of america and blah, blah, you get the idea.  So Randy gets beaten some German guy who could basically be any stereotypical type you can think of, bad accent, crazy blonde hair and the german jersey. So eventually see his career  decline and get made fun of and he banished to be a vegas entertainer. Some how Geogre Lopez shows up and convinces Randy that he needs to be a help to the US government and break some underground ping pong ring and find the guy who killed his father. oh yea...

I forgot to mention that Shang Tsung (Cary Hiroyuki Tagawa) shows up and kills the T-1000 because of some gambling debt. So continuing along in this lame tale, things progress and Randy trains under James Hong (The chinese guy you ALWAYS see) and his unusually hot daughter or niece...Not sure (Maggie Q) and he becomes some kind of an uber champ again. He beats some little girl who is some awesome player and gets invited to this top secret tournament Geogre lopez tried to get into and so they take off. Shang Tsung leads to some part in south america and this is where it truly gets brain damaged.

So the evil bitch goddess Marianne(Aisha Taylor) from Season 5 of 24 shows up with Christopher Walken ( he doesn't  get a nickname cause he's that cool) and explain the rules of the tournament and in an attempt for a cheap laugh, Shang Tsung dies by Bitch goddesss.  Some how Dietrach Bader aka OSWALD from Drew Cary shows up and is some sex slave and they end up playing Boggle.....

Now here comes the BEST part of the movie.....

I left the theatre to go take care some of business, basically...well I won't go into details of what I did but you can fill in the blanks. So here I am going to imagine what happens, they go outside and have a huge ping pong table on the back of a dinosaur and then Randy teams up with Jack Bauer and kills all the bad guys before the final show down. So while Jack and Randy end up fighting a giant ninja panda and Jack is mauled to death and Randy breaks his arm and this is where I came back into the theatre. 

Now I won't spoil the ending for you, simply because I want you to waste your money and go and see this movie, yes The Birdman wants you to do something stupid.

Now if someone can fill in the ending of this review, email us @ feedback@thisweekingeek.net and win a prize :)